Shark Tank: Unclear on the Concept

This user wants the latest upgrade he's read about, and he wants it now! Help desk pilot fish explains that it's a maintenance-only release, that it won't improve his performance, that the upgrade is already on the schedule -- but the user howls that he's got to have it or he'll have fish's head. The help desk prioritizes problems from 1 -- most urgent -- to 4, so fish asks, "What priority do you want for this? The scale runs from a 1 all the way up to a 4." Gimme a 4! user demands. Says fish, "That's what he got."

Help!

Help desk supervisor is joking with a newly hired IT pilot fish about how so many users are lacking in basic knowledge about the software they use. "So many questions about Microsoft's operating systems and applications can be solved with a press of the F1 key," fish comments -- to which the supervisor replies, "What does the F1 key do?"

Emergency, Redefined

This server installation is an emergency, pilot fish is told, so he flies 1,000 miles overnight to get it set up Monday morning. "I found the server and associated software with no problem, then asked where the server was to be located and where the Token Ring hubs would go," fish reports. "My contact pointed to a blank wall and said, 'They'll be installed there in about two months -- when the union electricians put the office on their schedule.' "

In a Word, Yes

Systems analyst asks support pilot fish to make a configuration change on her PC but tells fish she's about to leave for lunch. "I explain that I will remotely control her PC to make the change," fish says. Her response? "She asks if I will still be able to see the screen if she turns off the monitor."

Time for a More Formal Password Policy, Maybe?

User to support pilot fish: "What did your T-shirt say yesterday?" Pilot fish: "Why?" User: "Because that was my password, and I've forgotten it."

Probably Not

Business student asks IT instructor why fiber-optic networking cable isn't used everywhere. "Is it because glass is so breakable?" he asks. No, fiber is quite flexible, fish says. Would you like to see a sample? "That's OK," student says confidently. "I have a fiber-optic Christmas tree." When fish brings in a sample of fiber cable, student is puzzled. "That's not what my Christmas tree looks like," he tells fish. "I must have a coaxial Christmas tree."

MAKE IT CHRISTMAS IN AUGUST. Send me your true tale of IT life at sharky@computerworld.com. I'll send a festive Shark shirt if I use it. And check out the daily feed, browse the Sharkives and sign up for Shark Tank home delivery at computerworld.com/sharky.

Copyright © 2004 IDG Communications, Inc.

How to supercharge Slack with ‘action’ apps
  
Shop Tech Products at Amazon